I lost my mom 5 months and 7 days ago...since then, I've been in a complete fog, unable to complete even the simplest task, crying at the drop of a hat, snapping at those who I love and love me and feeling blue more than any other color.
We spent a week at Tybee Island. I walked the beach every morning, conversing in my head with my mom while waves crashed and birds flew around my head. We discussed the children, my job, my dad. The guilt I feel at leaving him to her these past couple of years...not knowing what she was dealing with until I found myself dealing with it too. We discussed how much I miss her, how lonely I am and how I wish there had been more to be done. For whatever reason, I felt closer to my mom on that quiet beach than I had since she died. I came home from Tybee with a bit of closure, feeling slightly more focused than I had before. And with the realization that I am depressed.
I have a family history of depression. My mom had it and I know my dad has it as well (even if he won't seek help). I decided that while mom's death was a trigger, I probably have battled this for a long time. Losing someone so close to me definitely sent me into a downward spiral. However, I've withdrawn into myself more and more the past few years.
My goal is to seek assistance and learn to deal with this in the best manner possible, much like I did when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Time will help some but I realize that the grief only magnified what was already there. I am fortunate to have a great support system in my home and hope to soon dig myself out of this hole and start enjoying my life again!
