Happy Birthday Grace!

We were lucky enough 15 years ago to celebrate the birth of our 3rd child.  Almost 7 years younger than her sister and 4 years behind her brother...we weren't exactly prepared for having another baby (having gotten rid of pretty much everything except the crib!).

She entered the world via c-section on a date we chose.  Everyone anxious to meet her...the siblings who weren't quite sure what changes this new baby would bring, the grandparents who would be welcoming their last grandchild and the parents who knew that this little bundle would turn their world upside down.  We were officially outnumbered!  No longer a parent for each child.  They could overtake us now!

A calm and quiet baby progressed to a wild and adventurous toddler.  Determined to keep up with her older siblings, she talked early, walked early, picked her own outfits.  She had opinions from the start and wasn't afraid to share them.  Always planting herself in the middle of whatever was going on.

These personality traits have only strengthened as she has gotten older.  Other traits have come out as well. A champion of the underdog, she hates to see anyone left out.  She's a fierce friend and if she doesn't like someone, it most likely has to do with their treatment of others.  She's loving, honest (to a fault) and independent...not afraid to stand out and make her own way. She's sensitive, although many may not be aware of how easily she has her feelings hurt.

Even though she wouldn't admit or acknowledge it, she's artistic.  Taking pictures all the time with her polaroid, she has an eye for artistic shots.  She can sing (although you'll never hear her) and plays the guitar. She's wise beyond her years...the benefit of having 2 sibling a bit older than herself.  We've never censored music or books and she has read/listened to things that many her age have not.  This has led to many thinking she is wild (a point both her dad and I find funny).  We appreciate her ability to have independent thoughts and feelings.  We support her crazy obsessions...it makes life interesting and we know what an amazing young lady she is.

Fifteen years ago today we were lucky enough to celebrate the birth of Grace...the last piece of our family puzzle.

Happy Birthday Grace Isabella!  

Follow your dreams

Troy and I had the pleasure of taking Grace and a couple of her friends to dinner and Franklin Park Conservatory last night.  As we were eating delicious Plank's pizza, the girls were looking around at all the college banners on the walls and discussing their post-high school plans.

It was funny to listen to why they would or wouldn't attend a certain school (money certainly not being a point of contention) and what they would major in.  They had previously been discussing the subjects they dislike in their freshman year of high school.

They all have big plans (most of which involves making lots of money) and big dreams.  I enjoyed listening to their thoughts about where they think their lives will go.  I loved the fact that they were talking about careers that would involve taking some of the very classes they currently dislike!

My oldest two are embarking on this journey in real time.  Emma following her dreams of getting her phD in French and starting a program that teaches young children to speak a foreign language at an earlier age than is offered in public schools.  She seems to have a gift for this language and quickly decided on the double major when she was a freshman.

Brennan is wrapping up his freshman year of college.  No major yet declared.  It has been interesting to talk to him as various professors have tried to sway him to major in their subject of choice.  I am glad he's taking his time to choose...he has varied interests and like Emma, we want him to follow his dreams.  We want them to be self-supporting but also to do something they love.

I remember being that freshman in college.  Trying to decided what I'd do for the rest of my life.  It's a daunting process and one that went through a few changes.  I started as a biology major with thoughts of going to medical school.  My sophomore year, I decided instead to be a nurse. I love taking care of people helping them with their needs and seeing them improve.  I have held the hand of many family members who have had to say goodbye to their loved ones.  And I hope I have helped many to meet death with dignity.

But I have a creative side that nursing doesn't really allow much room for.  I like to write (hence, this blog) and I like to make things.  With the encouragement of my husband and family, I am about to embark on another journey and follow my dreams as well!

It's okay to be different

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”  Steve Jobs

I love this quote! It speaks to me and reminds me that we don't all have to be the same.  It seems in this day and age, we shoot for sameness.  Just go to the high school at the end of the day...every girl, every boy striving to be just like everyone else. All looking and thinking alike.  It's easier to blend in.  Not to draw unwanted attention to yourself.  

Teenagers have a lot of pressure these days.  Dress in the right clothes, look the right way, belong to the right groups, earn the right grades.  There isn't a lot of room for diversity without being judged by their peers.

And what happens when they choose to go their own way?  Form their own look or believe different thoughts?  Their peers and even adults tend to judge what kind of person they are based upon appearances.

My middle and youngest child tend to be different.  They questions things...religion, politics, policies.  They do their own thing in regards to fashion/appearance.  My son grew out his hair, my daughter will go to school without brushing hers.  He never wears jeans.  She gravitates towards dark colors, at times a punkish look.  He's an atheist, she questions religious process.  He's a vegan, she's decided to be a vegetarian. 

It is hard to be that person in this town.  We like our round pegs in their round holes.  I readily admit that I wanted my children to blend in, be like everyone else.  Mainly because that's how I went through high school and mostly through life.  YOU have to fit in...but you don't.  

Be that round peg in the square hole.  Be the one who can see that differences are a good thing.  Be disagreeable.  Question everything.  Form your own opinions...don't just emulate mine. Be kind. And don't judge a book by it's cover.  Get to know someone before you form opinions on what kind of person they are.  Everyone is just trying to find their way...

Separation

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I believe this to be true as we near the end of my son's first year away from home.  Last year, right around this time, we did a quick visit to a college that had offered him a great financial package (if you have a child in college or preparing, you know how awesome those offers are!).  The fact that it was over 2,000 miles away didn't really weigh on my mind much.

Fast forward to August and suddenly he's getting on a plane and going AWAY.  Not just a car trip to see him away, but a full day of flying/layovers AWAY.  Nothing really prepared me for that.

Many parents send their children off to college, few really send them this far from home.  It takes courage...courage on the part of the parents to trust in how they raised these young people and courage for a student to go and leave everything and everyone behind.

I went out that first week...we shopped for needed dorm room accessories and supplies.  Got him settled in. Did all the parent orientation things.  Watched his awkward attempts to get used to his new surroundings.

Then came the day that it was now all up to him.  Time to say good-bye.  Millions of thoughts racing through my head.  Would he be able to do his laundry?  Would he like his classes? Would he and his roommate get along?  What would he do when he was sick?

Too quickly came the day when I realized that the little boy I loved and raised was suddenly a young adult.  In charge of himself very, very far away from me.  I said a silent prayer that his dad and I had done everything right and left him there and got on a plane back to Ohio.

Fast-forward 7 months later, the young man I talk to on the phone is finding his way.  He loves his classes, he's tried new things and he's slowly making new friends.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him...don't think that's changed.  But, I am proud of the fact that he made this choice.  Love that he went to a school that is as invested in him as he is in it. He is growing not only as a student but as a person.  Realizing that the world is not all black and white but has some areas of gray.

And the best part?  In exactly, 44 days, I'll be in Oregon.  Packing him up for the school year and bringing him home for the summer.  But who's counting?

Pinterest!

Pinterest...that wonderful website where I waste so much time!  Looking and pinning and then looking and pinning some more!

I pin a LOT of craft ideas...I wish I could spend the countless hours it would take to complete the things I pin:)  Fortunately, I know a group of women who, like me, by themselves may not finish those pinterest pins but together?  We can get some of them done!

We try to meet monthly.  Honestly, it doesn't always work.  Illness, schedules, weather get in the way. Friday night we were lucky to meet and even more so for me, I got to be the hostess.  Yes, I had to clean my house and get things ready but I also got to choose the project!

Trying to choose a project that will appeal to everyone within a large group is a bit daunting.  While also being something everyone will want to make/complete, there is a bit of a time limit (has to be mostly completed that evening) and not be horribly expensive.

I will admit that it took me awhile this time.  I know Easter's coming but honestly, the cutesy crafts associated with the holiday weren't really that appealing to me.  I wanted to do something that we could use year-round.  Finally, I found a craft that I thought we'd all like!

I sent it to the group and general consensus had us all agreeing this was to be our next project.  I set about making the list of needed materials followed by a trip to Michaels (who were nice enough to give me the teacher's discount of 15% to help us all save a little money!).  Of course, me being me, I realized that I'd forgotten a pretty important component of the project...thankful for a friend who was able to stop and get those last needed pieces!

Friday had me cleaning the house...putting all those piles away for the first time this winter.  Nothing motivates me like a group of people coming over.  This pinterest night had 2 new friends joining in the fun. The first car pulled in promptly at 7:00 p.m. followed by the others.  We chit-chatted as we each picked our background paper and began the process.  This whole evening is as much about the socialization as it is the crafting so I really have no idea how long it actually takes to finish this project.  We wrapped everything up at 10:00!

Preconceived notions...

There are a lot of people who think they are beyond a situation that will require them to seek out help with either their housing or their medical care.  What I've noticed is that we are ALL just one catastrophe away from disaster.

I left bedside nursing almost 4 years ago to take a job running the local free clinic.  No benefits, low pay, countless rewards.  I had many preconceived notions coming into this job. I assumed that the clients I'd be seeing didn't work, were homeless, under-educated...my list goes on and on.  What I rapidly received was a wake-up call that was a powerful as a slap in the face.  I was completely, totally WRONG!

My patients are amazing...they are hard workers, they try to pay their way, they try to educated themselves, they have families they love, jobs they tolerate and joys and sorrows.  They are very much like me.  In most cases, they are going through tough times...they had to quit school to get a job to help support their family after a parent died, they take in their grandchildren when their children cannot care for them.  They offer to share their home with another family who lost theirs. Their ability to give and be compassionate has made me a better person.

Sure, we see a few trying to scam the system.  We have hard and fast rules and they don't get very far with us.  They typically come around a few times and then do not return.  But for those who truly need our services, we are much like an extended branch of their family.  I share in the joy of the homeless patient who gets a permanent place to live, the one who finally gets a job after searching well over a year.  I applaud those who are going back to school to further their education and help cheer them on.  And I admire those who care for children who aren't blood relations but do so because they can provide a stable environment.  They, too, share in my joys and sorrows. I share my life with them as well.  I love when they ask about my children, my hobbies, what's new with the clinic.

I guess what I am trying to say is...what are your preconceived notions?  Do you automatically assume everyone on medicaid doesn't work?  Do you have thoughts on those who are working menial jobs?  Do you think your above ever having to seek out the services of the free clinic or helping with housing/bills?

I know some of you have these very thoughts (you can thank facebook for that little sidebar that shows me and all of your friends when you like an article/meme making fun of or discussing these very things). I am asking that you be more open-minded.  In a perfect world, we'd all be working at jobs where benefits were available, the pay was excellent and able to pay our own way in this crazy world.  I am asking that you consider that these individuals that you sometimes judge are those very kind of people and maybe, just maybe, they aren't that different from you and I.

Death and dying...

As many of you know, 2014 has been a year of death for my family and for many of our friends.  I cannot remember ever attending so many funerals in such a short time.

I lost my sweet mama in January after a 6 week illness.  The shock of someone being gone that you are so used to communicating with daily is just so painful to deal with.  We had lunch each week (usually followed by a trip to Real Deals, a local store).  I spoke to her daily.  My three children were lucky to have her as their Mimi...she took the role very seriously.  No matter what they did, she cheered them on and thought they were wonderful.  Every child should be so lucky to have a Mimi like that.  My heart aches not only for myself, but especially for my children.  The absence of that person in your life who thought you could do no wrong...I am so sad for them.

Emma was the first grandchild.  When she came along, my mom decided to quit smoking.  She enjoyed spoiling and loving her.  Brennan came along 2 1/2 years later and was colicky.  Sensing that he needed a different child care environment, my mom quit her job and became our full-time sitter.  This only strengthened the bond that she had with these 2.

My mom never went to college...her pride at both Emma's and Brennan's academic accomplishments in that area made her glow!  She loved learning new things through them.  A religious woman, she never once questioned when B decided he was an atheist.  I know that this had to be hard on her...but she supported him and spoke to him about it.  And we can't even begin to imagine her joy as E was accepted into OSU's French PhD program...

Grace came along shortly before my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.  The first few years of her life, my mom was extremely ill.  We didn't know many times if she'd survive.  So odd was her reaction every time Grace was near...she was calmer and more content.  I often think that Grace was born to help my mom through that extremely difficult time.  We were blessed to spend another 14 years with my mom that no one expected.

French fries, noodles, pies...she loved to cook and share her creations.  We were lucky in that she taught us how to make so many of the delicious things she produced in her kitchen.  I am so happy to have a cookbook written in her own hand...a treasure!

Even though they no longer have their Mimi on this earth, nor I my mom, I am happy to see her parts of her in them each day.  May all of those close to us who have lost someone this year be able to see that person live on in their loved ones as well.

Friends after 40

I'll be the first to admit, I have very few friends.  I have acquaintances...people I know because of shared activities with our children or through an activity that I participate in. However, there aren't many that I can share my deepest thoughts with that I am not feeling judged.

Women are typically a snarky group.  They size you up when you walk into a room and determine (without knowing you) what kind of person you are.  It starts in grade school and continues throughout life.  We can all say it doesn't occur, but we know that it does.  We judge each others lifestyle choices, parenting, jobs, appearance, etc.  This in turn, makes it hard to share our emotions and pain with our "friends."

The youngest brought this to my attention last night...afraid she's making JV and what her "friends" are going to say "because she plays club ball and should be one of the best."  My feeble attempts to comfort her were pretty much waved away by her hand.  The idea that her dad and I are proud no matter what doesn't really hold it's weight in the face of her friends.  I often try to remind her that many after a significant injury would pursue other interest outside of sports...she keeps plugging away and trying her best...she's a fighter and a warrior.

She is fortunate to have one great friend.  Someone who stands by her side and supports her.  Doesn't judge her, tell her she's annoying or put her down.  I can see these two being friends well into their lives and it makes me happy.  It's taken awhile for her to get a relationship like this and as a parent, it's exactly the kind of friendship you want for your child and yourself.  

I find that in our 40's we are all so busy with our lives, that at a time when we should be supporting and helping each other, we just take the time.  I also feel that it seems like we pit our child against the next...competing in the classroom, on the field, with the number of sleepovers, etc.  As I've been down this road twice before, I realize how petty most of this is.  You cannot share that knowledge with those who are experiencing it for the first time.   Sometimes as a group, we are snarky about another's child and/or life.  I am ashamed to admit it but we all know it's true.  Life has become a competition and like I said in my first post, we all want to be the best.  As we discuss others trials and tribulations in front of our children, what do they take away from that?  What example have we been setting?!

I've recently had a couple of friends go through some significant experiences with their children.  I feel for the most part, they've had to do this privately to spare themselves ridicule and pain.  I believe that this is why I've been on a quest to change.  I want the few friends I have to be able to talk to me without feeling judged.  I want to be supportive when they need it and make sure they aren't afraid to ask for that support.

We all have friends who bring out the worst in us.  I've been evaluating that this week as well.  If I want to change, can I continue along the course with them?  When you don't have a lot of friends, it's a hard decision to make, even if you want to be a better person.  While I am a loner, I am able to realize that I need a few others outside of my family.  This will be the hardest part of my process, without a doubt.


And how, in your mid-forties, do you make new friends?  We will be done with the school experience in 3 years.  As the older two have graduated and moved on to their college lives, friendships formed during those years have moved on as well.  Having children in the same grade, sport, etc. isn't enough to form a sustainable friendship.  I've decided to pursue a couple new hobbies and hope that as a result, it'll introduce me to women outside of the school and maybe our little village.   I hope you have that one great friend and I am hoping I can find one for myself!

Obsessions

Do you have things you obsess about?  I have some fun obsessions (Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch, The Walking Dead and any dress from 1950!) and I have some normal obsessions (clean house, organization,).

The need for a clean house and to be organized go right out the door in the spring.  I manage and help coach a MS girls lacrosse team.  Dust bunnies reign and dinner is on the go more than I'd like to admit.  In addition to the 3 humans who live here, we have 3 cats, 1 dog and moved in the rabbit over the winter.  They combine to provide a seemingly endless supply of dirt, litter and hair throughout the house (we will not discuss the odors!).

So a short entry today but curious as to how you all do it? Please feel free to share any tips you have. I used to do the Fly Lady thing...parts of it are still helpful but honestly, who has time to "shine their sink" every night?!  I am happy when the dishes get done and aren't facing me in the morning.  Likewise, the endless paper supply.  Stuff I think I need to keep for whatever reason (most of which can be found on-line).  I do go through it every so often and recycle the majority.

Seriously...looking at pics of Johnny Depp and Benedict Cumberbatch are much more fun!

Mistakes

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.

Albert Einstein

 I'm a huge fan of quotes AND Albert Einstein.  This quote I love!  We all make mistakes...some are simple, some not so much.  The ability to take them and embrace and learn from them is what makes them worthwhile!

In parenting, the biggest mistake I've ever made was trying to push my children into things.  Athletics, student government, honor society, friends, etc.  As they got older (and so did I), I finally realized that they needed to make their own choices and make mistakes.  Protecting them from mistakes wasn't going to benefit them, me or the society I want to have them be a part of.

Not always an easy thing to watch your child pursue a path that you know isn't going to end well. Sometimes it's an activity, sometimes it's a relationship. As adults, we have the wisdom to look back at our own choices and know where we could have done things better.  I believe that part of being a parent is wanting to shield our child from making the same unwise choices that we did.

I made many mistakes getting to this point in my life.  I really can't say that I'd go back and undo too many of them as they helped me to develop into the person that I am today. Character building, I believe it is called :)

We give our children character bricks.  When they are small, we help them make good choices and hopefully, show them good choices in our everyday lives.   If all goes well,  we have laid a solid foundation on which they build.   Part of being a parent is knowing that yes, those bricks are going to crack and at times fall apart.  We have to help them  pick up those pieces and rebuild, all the while assuring them of our support and unconditional love.  We want them to move forward and continue to try new things and yes, make mistakes...

I live in a competitive town.  People like to have their child be the best.  Best at sports, best in academics, best in music, best, best, best. I no longer care.  That sounds harsh but let me explain.  I no longer care what anyone else's child does or my friends do.  I realize that where my child is academically, on the field, on the team...it's not a reflection of me or her.  This is a HUGE step and process for me.  I am competitive.  I like to win.  I like to see my child do well.  I partake in gossip.  And, I decided today, that this makes me a poor role model for my 14 year old.

Why change at 45?  I've been this way for quite awhile.  Could easily continue on in the same mode.  However, as I ponder the Lenten season and what to give up and how to make myself a better person, I realized that this thought keeps coming back and yet, I fail.  Fail miserably, year after year, to maintain this idea of making myself better.  So a blog is started...I don't know if anyone will even read it.  However, it's my accountability tracker.

This process goes beyond me.  I shared my thoughts with the youngest child. I let her know that mainly, I am happy if SHE is happy.  After 2 significant ankle injuries, it really is enough to just see her on the field!  I get a quiet thrill watching her excel in a class she thinks is difficult. I just enjoy being her mom. I feel bad that this change of attitude comes so late.  I certainly couldn't take this approach with the older 2 although I am so proud of the young people they are turning out to be, in spite of my short-comings.  They are, quite honestly, AMAZING!

So I will share this new attitude/approach with them.  I will share with my friends. I've shared it with my husband.  Everyone needs to help me be a better person.  This is for me (my personal happiness and attitude), for my children and for my marriage.  Negativity no longer can reside inside my head or come out of my mouth.


So, welcome!  I hope you enjoy following my quest to be a better person.  It's never too late!