I am hosting a baby shower for my nephew and his wife. I am excited about doing it as it'll let me get some new pictures for my up-and-coming business (another post!). I am thrilled that they've decided to wait until birth to find out if it's a boy or a girl. However, the gender neutral thing has given me quite the creative brain freeze.
I ordered paper and ink...sat down today to complete the invites and totally hated the color combo I chose! Ugh. These need to hit the mail this week so the option of ordering another color combo isn't really an option. I'd have to make do with what I had already and fortunately, I have a lot.
Various combination popped into my head, all quickly dismissed and then I decided that maybe, just maybe, the elephant should really be gray not coral, blue or green. It's interesting how that decision (to make an elephant the actual color of an elephant) got my creative juices flowing again. Cards are now done and decorations await!
What do you think are gender neutral colors? How do you prevent being more boy than girl or vice versa? Share you thoughts!
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
Not my circus, not my monkeys...
I've seen this all over facebook recently and it's made me think a bit about my own world. As many know, my dad and I don't exactly get along...never close and as opposite as people can be. To say he lives in his own little world is an understatement and it has caused much strife between the two of us.
My mom's death has put a spotlight on just how different we are and how far apart we've become. I try. I really do but honestly? I don't have the patience for him. His viewpoints couldn't be further from my own and we need to agree to disagree.
Not my circus, not my monkeys...interesting statement. Not sure it really is a Polish proverb but for whatever reason, it resonates with me. I am not responsible for my father. He's not my monkey and his views aren't my circus. He's my dad. I'll enjoy what I can of our interactions and when they become heated, I can step away. I cannot be responsible for his attitude, his actions or his words, just mine. I realize it seems a simple premise and one that should come about without much thought but it took me awhile to get here.
He won't change (and at 72, I can't really expect him to) but I can change how I deal with him and how our interactions affect me. Maybe this will help us, maybe it won't. However, I can sleep each night knowing that i tried and at this time, that's the best I can do.
Not my circus, not my monkeys...
My mom's death has put a spotlight on just how different we are and how far apart we've become. I try. I really do but honestly? I don't have the patience for him. His viewpoints couldn't be further from my own and we need to agree to disagree.
Not my circus, not my monkeys...interesting statement. Not sure it really is a Polish proverb but for whatever reason, it resonates with me. I am not responsible for my father. He's not my monkey and his views aren't my circus. He's my dad. I'll enjoy what I can of our interactions and when they become heated, I can step away. I cannot be responsible for his attitude, his actions or his words, just mine. I realize it seems a simple premise and one that should come about without much thought but it took me awhile to get here.
He won't change (and at 72, I can't really expect him to) but I can change how I deal with him and how our interactions affect me. Maybe this will help us, maybe it won't. However, I can sleep each night knowing that i tried and at this time, that's the best I can do.
Not my circus, not my monkeys...
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
In search of ...
Part of this whole depression thing and the loss of my mom has revealed (as I've touched on in earlier posts) my complete lack of a good girlfriend. My mom was my com-padre. We went to lunch each week, talked each day. She was my sounding board, my confident and my lifeline. Husbands fill that void to some extent but I think we each need someone to talk with who we aren't married to.
That all being said, I am lonely. I have friends but we are all busy. We hang out at games and an occassional lunch. I am thankful when they check in and appreciate the time they are able to give me. But, they all seem to have that really good friend and I can't seem to connect with anyone who calls for regular lunch/shopping dates, wants to take a class here and there or who wants to talk about what's going on in my/their world. I love those friends I do have but I really long for someone who wants to hang a bit more.
I read FB posts (I know, everyone's life is perfect on FB!) and see that people are doing things, getting out with friends, having fun. I really want to do those things too. Part of me is embarrassed to post this and part of me feels like a 3rd grade girl wishing that someone would ask me to play on the playground.
I know that age complicates matters...it is harder to make friends it seems. My friends of my youth have all scattered to the wind and in some cases, we don't seem to have much in common anymore. My goal is to take a few classes and hopefully, meet some women who like to do similar things. I've also vowed to take more interest in those precious friends I currently have. Make more of an effort because I know I've been lacking in my efforts as well.
Hoping to climb out of the shelter I've backed myself into and put myself out there...
That all being said, I am lonely. I have friends but we are all busy. We hang out at games and an occassional lunch. I am thankful when they check in and appreciate the time they are able to give me. But, they all seem to have that really good friend and I can't seem to connect with anyone who calls for regular lunch/shopping dates, wants to take a class here and there or who wants to talk about what's going on in my/their world. I love those friends I do have but I really long for someone who wants to hang a bit more.
I read FB posts (I know, everyone's life is perfect on FB!) and see that people are doing things, getting out with friends, having fun. I really want to do those things too. Part of me is embarrassed to post this and part of me feels like a 3rd grade girl wishing that someone would ask me to play on the playground.
I know that age complicates matters...it is harder to make friends it seems. My friends of my youth have all scattered to the wind and in some cases, we don't seem to have much in common anymore. My goal is to take a few classes and hopefully, meet some women who like to do similar things. I've also vowed to take more interest in those precious friends I currently have. Make more of an effort because I know I've been lacking in my efforts as well.
Hoping to climb out of the shelter I've backed myself into and put myself out there...
Monday, June 30, 2014
depression
I lost my mom 5 months and 7 days ago...since then, I've been in a complete fog, unable to complete even the simplest task, crying at the drop of a hat, snapping at those who I love and love me and feeling blue more than any other color.
We spent a week at Tybee Island. I walked the beach every morning, conversing in my head with my mom while waves crashed and birds flew around my head. We discussed the children, my job, my dad. The guilt I feel at leaving him to her these past couple of years...not knowing what she was dealing with until I found myself dealing with it too. We discussed how much I miss her, how lonely I am and how I wish there had been more to be done. For whatever reason, I felt closer to my mom on that quiet beach than I had since she died. I came home from Tybee with a bit of closure, feeling slightly more focused than I had before. And with the realization that I am depressed.
I have a family history of depression. My mom had it and I know my dad has it as well (even if he won't seek help). I decided that while mom's death was a trigger, I probably have battled this for a long time. Losing someone so close to me definitely sent me into a downward spiral. However, I've withdrawn into myself more and more the past few years.
My goal is to seek assistance and learn to deal with this in the best manner possible, much like I did when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Time will help some but I realize that the grief only magnified what was already there. I am fortunate to have a great support system in my home and hope to soon dig myself out of this hole and start enjoying my life again!
We spent a week at Tybee Island. I walked the beach every morning, conversing in my head with my mom while waves crashed and birds flew around my head. We discussed the children, my job, my dad. The guilt I feel at leaving him to her these past couple of years...not knowing what she was dealing with until I found myself dealing with it too. We discussed how much I miss her, how lonely I am and how I wish there had been more to be done. For whatever reason, I felt closer to my mom on that quiet beach than I had since she died. I came home from Tybee with a bit of closure, feeling slightly more focused than I had before. And with the realization that I am depressed.
I have a family history of depression. My mom had it and I know my dad has it as well (even if he won't seek help). I decided that while mom's death was a trigger, I probably have battled this for a long time. Losing someone so close to me definitely sent me into a downward spiral. However, I've withdrawn into myself more and more the past few years.
My goal is to seek assistance and learn to deal with this in the best manner possible, much like I did when I was diagnosed with diabetes. Time will help some but I realize that the grief only magnified what was already there. I am fortunate to have a great support system in my home and hope to soon dig myself out of this hole and start enjoying my life again!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Graduation Day!
I earned a new title yesterday...mother of a college graduate. It comes with a few more wrinkles and immense pride at what my 21 year old has accomplished.
She started at a smaller school that really didn't suit her and then transferred at the start of her sophomore year to The Ohio State University. We had our reservations about her being at such a large school but also wanted her to be happy, so we rented an apartment and moved her in.
I was worried about this big school. Worried that she'd get lost, that she wouldn't get individual attention, worried that she'd stray from the path her father and I had put her on. But as the year went on, I quickly realized that all that worrying was for naught.
She had big classes (her general requirements) but she had many small classes. Her professors took an interest in her and as the years progressed she excelled and realized that she had a knack for both English and French. Her adviser helped her write a great resume and professors were more than happy to write recommendations for graduate school. Because of her majors, she really had a small school experience within the largest school in the United States.
I'll readily admit that the past 4 years were not without drama and anxious days. She learned that relationships can change (both male and female), that she could do many things for herself and that her father and I would be here to help and support.
She lived this last semester by herself and discovered that she didn't mind being alone. She has learned to cook and shop for herself, manage her household, hold down a job and still walk away with great grades. She interviewed for a coveted spot in the PhD program and was rewarded for all her hard work with tuition and a stipend.
I'd like to sit back and pat myself on the back for all this. But the truth is, we provided the foundation, she took what we gave her and ran. She worked hard, got better grades in college than she did in high school. She surrounded herself with good friends who also are goal-oriented. This is about her abilities and her potential.
Yesterday we sat in the stadium with 60,000+ people all there to celebrate the 10,200 graduates of the 406th graduating class of The Ohio State University, each with their own story to get to this point. It was a massive celebration and no one was celebrating more than the Butler family!
She started at a smaller school that really didn't suit her and then transferred at the start of her sophomore year to The Ohio State University. We had our reservations about her being at such a large school but also wanted her to be happy, so we rented an apartment and moved her in.
I was worried about this big school. Worried that she'd get lost, that she wouldn't get individual attention, worried that she'd stray from the path her father and I had put her on. But as the year went on, I quickly realized that all that worrying was for naught.
She had big classes (her general requirements) but she had many small classes. Her professors took an interest in her and as the years progressed she excelled and realized that she had a knack for both English and French. Her adviser helped her write a great resume and professors were more than happy to write recommendations for graduate school. Because of her majors, she really had a small school experience within the largest school in the United States.
I'll readily admit that the past 4 years were not without drama and anxious days. She learned that relationships can change (both male and female), that she could do many things for herself and that her father and I would be here to help and support.
She lived this last semester by herself and discovered that she didn't mind being alone. She has learned to cook and shop for herself, manage her household, hold down a job and still walk away with great grades. She interviewed for a coveted spot in the PhD program and was rewarded for all her hard work with tuition and a stipend.
I'd like to sit back and pat myself on the back for all this. But the truth is, we provided the foundation, she took what we gave her and ran. She worked hard, got better grades in college than she did in high school. She surrounded herself with good friends who also are goal-oriented. This is about her abilities and her potential.
Yesterday we sat in the stadium with 60,000+ people all there to celebrate the 10,200 graduates of the 406th graduating class of The Ohio State University, each with their own story to get to this point. It was a massive celebration and no one was celebrating more than the Butler family!
Monday, April 28, 2014
2 weeks of crazy and brownies for breakfast!
Today starts 2 weeks of craziness in the Butler household. Lacrosse games and/or practice every night (combining my middle school and the high school schedule), work schedules, Emma's graduation and I leave next week for Oregon to bring Brennan home.
Added to that was a trip to Costco yesterday with Grace (to pick up things Troy and I forgot on our trip to Costco Saturday) where we picked up these delectable, chocolaty brownie bites that I cannot seem to stay out of!!!!
Stress makes me eat...crazy stress apparently makes me eat chocolate brownie bites and drink A LOT of Snapple. Trying to get all of our charts entered into the new on-line electronic medical record system at work, take care of all things lacrosse for my middle school team and attempting to meet Emma at some point this week to buy her a new dress for her graduation. I find it ironic that we thought life would be calmer when we were down to one child. It's a different kind of craziness but crazy nonetheless.
I always love when someone tells you how busy they are (get the irony of this blog post?!) because we are all busy! Some of us thrive on it, others let it consume us. I tend to like to be busy (maybe not this busy) as I get more things done. I also use it as an excuse to push off things I don't really want to do!
I always find it interesting to see what things people let get to them and what they let go. Please share how it affects you. And feel free to stop by for a Snapple and a brownie bite!
Added to that was a trip to Costco yesterday with Grace (to pick up things Troy and I forgot on our trip to Costco Saturday) where we picked up these delectable, chocolaty brownie bites that I cannot seem to stay out of!!!!
Stress makes me eat...crazy stress apparently makes me eat chocolate brownie bites and drink A LOT of Snapple. Trying to get all of our charts entered into the new on-line electronic medical record system at work, take care of all things lacrosse for my middle school team and attempting to meet Emma at some point this week to buy her a new dress for her graduation. I find it ironic that we thought life would be calmer when we were down to one child. It's a different kind of craziness but crazy nonetheless.
I always love when someone tells you how busy they are (get the irony of this blog post?!) because we are all busy! Some of us thrive on it, others let it consume us. I tend to like to be busy (maybe not this busy) as I get more things done. I also use it as an excuse to push off things I don't really want to do!
I always find it interesting to see what things people let get to them and what they let go. Please share how it affects you. And feel free to stop by for a Snapple and a brownie bite!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Own it
I help coach middle school lacrosse...GIRLS. Hormonal, hyper, moody: we see all of these in just one practice (sometimes within 15 minutes!). Some days they are spot on, other days, they act like they've never seen a lacrosse stick or ball before. They don't focus in practices and you are constantly pulling them back in and reminding them why we are on the field.
One "trend" that seems more noticeable this year is lack of ownership. Not coming to practice. Blame the way the other team played (too aggressive, verbal, etc). Blame the officials (not making the calls, overlooking fouls, calling everything against us). We win and lose by the way we work within our team.
My motto has always been, practice like you play. Go hard in practice, give it your best. Show up. I really don't think it matters if you win or lose until the record applies to something like end of season tournaments. No one cares about the record from middle school lacrosse down to t-ball. Don't get me wrong, I like to win. But I know that losing is just as big, if not bigger, part of the game. The things I want my girls to take away from their time with me (a bit shorter this year since I am coaching part time) is that you are part of a TEAM. You aren't an island out there...you have 11 teammates on the field that are playing WITH you. I know you can run the ball from end to end and score. I am more concerned with your ability to see the field, looking for and making successful passes. Being a team player helps you on the field and throughout life. This isn't just about sports. I am trying to make sure you can work within a group, be part of the group.
Don't make excuses. If you aren't giving 100% then look in the mirror prior to blaming a teammate, the officials, the opponent. We all want to blame someone else. It's easier not to be responsible. Take ownership of your shortcomings. Don't be a sore loser...we all lose. Today it's a game, tomorrow a job. It's part of life. Handle it with dignity and realize that it's a learning opportunity. Become a better player/person because of the loss. Treat your opponent, your teammate and your coaches with respect. Being respectful now allows you to be respectful later. We all have bad days. It doesn't define us, just makes us all human.
Own it. How you practice, how you live, how you relate to others. It's about much more than sports.
One "trend" that seems more noticeable this year is lack of ownership. Not coming to practice. Blame the way the other team played (too aggressive, verbal, etc). Blame the officials (not making the calls, overlooking fouls, calling everything against us). We win and lose by the way we work within our team.
My motto has always been, practice like you play. Go hard in practice, give it your best. Show up. I really don't think it matters if you win or lose until the record applies to something like end of season tournaments. No one cares about the record from middle school lacrosse down to t-ball. Don't get me wrong, I like to win. But I know that losing is just as big, if not bigger, part of the game. The things I want my girls to take away from their time with me (a bit shorter this year since I am coaching part time) is that you are part of a TEAM. You aren't an island out there...you have 11 teammates on the field that are playing WITH you. I know you can run the ball from end to end and score. I am more concerned with your ability to see the field, looking for and making successful passes. Being a team player helps you on the field and throughout life. This isn't just about sports. I am trying to make sure you can work within a group, be part of the group.
Don't make excuses. If you aren't giving 100% then look in the mirror prior to blaming a teammate, the officials, the opponent. We all want to blame someone else. It's easier not to be responsible. Take ownership of your shortcomings. Don't be a sore loser...we all lose. Today it's a game, tomorrow a job. It's part of life. Handle it with dignity and realize that it's a learning opportunity. Become a better player/person because of the loss. Treat your opponent, your teammate and your coaches with respect. Being respectful now allows you to be respectful later. We all have bad days. It doesn't define us, just makes us all human.
Own it. How you practice, how you live, how you relate to others. It's about much more than sports.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Putting your best self forward.
10 Old-Fashioned Clothing Habits We Need To Bring Back | Thought Catalog
I read this little list this morning and it gave me pause. We have become a sloppy society. I am guilty of it myself. Wearing athletic shorts and a tshirt when running errands, yoga pants/jeans and a sweatshirt to dinner...not taking the time to present myself in the best manner possible. I haven't fallen (and never will!) into the realm of wearing pajamas in public but I know that I usually go with what's the easiest and sometimes, the most comfortable.
I fondly remember my childhood....I grew up out in the middle of nowhere. We went to "town" on Fridays. My parents dressed up (we usually go to go to dinner), they made sure my brother and I were clean and dressed nicely as well. I spent my childhood in dresses and was always reminded to look like a lady. Funny thing is, when we arrived at our destinations, everyone else had taken the time to make sure they looked nice as well. This carried on for me through high school, into college and well into my adulthood. Somewhere in my 40s, I forgot that I should take more time to present myself in the best manner possible. I don't shoulder that all by myself, because the rest of society appears to have forgotten that as well.
The pajamas comment above is a small part of how we forget to take pride. Rolling out of bed and just going with it really doesn't say you care much about yourself or those you're interacting with. Jeans in church (sorry, I really have never gotten that one). I understand the statements made "God doesn't care what you look like" and get that to a degree but does it really take that long to throw on something a little more appropriate for the place you're about to enter?
Being dressed scantily and in clothing that leaves little to the imagination is another pet-peeve. The world does not need to see your assets, your underwear or
I've been on a crusade of late to encourage my children, my spouse and myself to take a little more care and pride in how they appear. I think when we take the time to present ourselves in the best light possible, it shows we have confidence and that we value and respect the people we are dating/meeting/working/worshipping with.
I am not really sure when we became a pajama/yoga pant wearing society but I am all for putting the pjs away, taking a shower and putting my best foot forward. Hoping I can get the rest of the family to follow suit...
I read this little list this morning and it gave me pause. We have become a sloppy society. I am guilty of it myself. Wearing athletic shorts and a tshirt when running errands, yoga pants/jeans and a sweatshirt to dinner...not taking the time to present myself in the best manner possible. I haven't fallen (and never will!) into the realm of wearing pajamas in public but I know that I usually go with what's the easiest and sometimes, the most comfortable.
I fondly remember my childhood....I grew up out in the middle of nowhere. We went to "town" on Fridays. My parents dressed up (we usually go to go to dinner), they made sure my brother and I were clean and dressed nicely as well. I spent my childhood in dresses and was always reminded to look like a lady. Funny thing is, when we arrived at our destinations, everyone else had taken the time to make sure they looked nice as well. This carried on for me through high school, into college and well into my adulthood. Somewhere in my 40s, I forgot that I should take more time to present myself in the best manner possible. I don't shoulder that all by myself, because the rest of society appears to have forgotten that as well.
The pajamas comment above is a small part of how we forget to take pride. Rolling out of bed and just going with it really doesn't say you care much about yourself or those you're interacting with. Jeans in church (sorry, I really have never gotten that one). I understand the statements made "God doesn't care what you look like" and get that to a degree but does it really take that long to throw on something a little more appropriate for the place you're about to enter?
Being dressed scantily and in clothing that leaves little to the imagination is another pet-peeve. The world does not need to see your assets, your underwear or
I've been on a crusade of late to encourage my children, my spouse and myself to take a little more care and pride in how they appear. I think when we take the time to present ourselves in the best light possible, it shows we have confidence and that we value and respect the people we are dating/meeting/working/worshipping with.
I am not really sure when we became a pajama/yoga pant wearing society but I am all for putting the pjs away, taking a shower and putting my best foot forward. Hoping I can get the rest of the family to follow suit...
Monday, April 14, 2014
Emma
Today starts the last week of undergraduate classes for my oldest. These four years have gone by so quickly. It is bittersweet as she is close to embarking on true adulthood...I think something we are both a bit sad about.
It wasn't that long ago that we eagerly anticipated her arrival on a hot August morning. This tiny little being who was going to change our world more than we knew. How quickly that time went! Preschool, to grade school, middle school and high school. Then suddenly, too quickly, dropping her off at college
Nothing describes the feelings you experience as you watch your child become a young adult. Observing how they navigate the world of college, deal with some of the challenges of that world and come away a better person is a bit of a testament to how you've raised them. A nod that maybe, just maybe, you did a good job.
She leaves her undergrad life behind but not school. She'll enter OSU's French Phd program this fall...teaching entry level French while taking her own classes. She'll move into an apartment with two close friends that she'll pay for herself. She will be responsible. It is hard for me to think of that little baby I brought home as this young woman she has become. It didn't take long to get from that point in time to this one.
So, as she starts this last week of undergraduate classes, I hope she holds on to a bit of that child within. I hope she continues to have grand and crazy dreams and realizes that anything she wants to do is within her power. I hope she realizes that even though she's taking a step into this new adult world, we will still be here. Supporting and cheering her all along the way!
It wasn't that long ago that we eagerly anticipated her arrival on a hot August morning. This tiny little being who was going to change our world more than we knew. How quickly that time went! Preschool, to grade school, middle school and high school. Then suddenly, too quickly, dropping her off at college
Nothing describes the feelings you experience as you watch your child become a young adult. Observing how they navigate the world of college, deal with some of the challenges of that world and come away a better person is a bit of a testament to how you've raised them. A nod that maybe, just maybe, you did a good job.
She leaves her undergrad life behind but not school. She'll enter OSU's French Phd program this fall...teaching entry level French while taking her own classes. She'll move into an apartment with two close friends that she'll pay for herself. She will be responsible. It is hard for me to think of that little baby I brought home as this young woman she has become. It didn't take long to get from that point in time to this one.
So, as she starts this last week of undergraduate classes, I hope she holds on to a bit of that child within. I hope she continues to have grand and crazy dreams and realizes that anything she wants to do is within her power. I hope she realizes that even though she's taking a step into this new adult world, we will still be here. Supporting and cheering her all along the way!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
everyday blessings
“As the years pass, I am coming more and more to understand that it is the common, everyday blessings of our common everyday lives for which we should be particularly grateful. They are the things that fill our lives with comfort and our hearts with gladness -- just the pure air to breathe and the strength to breath it; just warmth and shelter and home folks; just plain food that gives us strength; the bright sunshine on a cold day; and a cool breeze when the day is warm.”
― Laura Ingalls Wilder, Writings to Young Women from Laura Ingalls Wilder - Volume One: On Wisdom and Virtues
The quote above means more to me these days than it would have a year ago at this time. As I work through losing my mom, little everyday things suddenly mean more than they ever have.
A quick catch up with a friend over coffee, hearing about weddings and new babies. Talking to Emma about her dates. Listening to Grace and her friends giggle as they settle down to sleep. Messaging with Brennan about his choice of major. Excitement as we look forward to Emma's college graduation and Brennan being home for the summer. Spending Friday with my hubby as we do the Alternate Eats tour in Columbus.
And then there are even simpler things. Sunshine after a day of rain. The cat and dog fighting over a spot of sun on the floor. A clean house and the laundry being done. A crocus blooming.
May you enjoy your everyday blessings in your common everyday life today!
― Laura Ingalls Wilder, Writings to Young Women from Laura Ingalls Wilder - Volume One: On Wisdom and Virtues
The quote above means more to me these days than it would have a year ago at this time. As I work through losing my mom, little everyday things suddenly mean more than they ever have.
A quick catch up with a friend over coffee, hearing about weddings and new babies. Talking to Emma about her dates. Listening to Grace and her friends giggle as they settle down to sleep. Messaging with Brennan about his choice of major. Excitement as we look forward to Emma's college graduation and Brennan being home for the summer. Spending Friday with my hubby as we do the Alternate Eats tour in Columbus.
And then there are even simpler things. Sunshine after a day of rain. The cat and dog fighting over a spot of sun on the floor. A clean house and the laundry being done. A crocus blooming.
May you enjoy your everyday blessings in your common everyday life today!
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Paying it forward
I was reading Yahoo this morning...something I do everyday usually more for entertainment than anything else. I was all set to write a blog post today about the backlash regarding the Honeymaid commercial celebrating families of various types. I never understand the hatred people have for someone they don't know just because their lifestyle is different. Then I moved on and read this story...https://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/mom-grateful-for-stranger-who-paid-for-family-groceries---you-didn-t-judge-163003709.html and changed my mind.
I could have used my space to jump on my soapbox about people who judge people. I have a father who judges everyone he meets...it would only make sense that I'd be somewhat like him. Fortunately, in my quest to be the exact opposite, I am very open-minded, embracing everyone's choice to live the way they want and love who they want.
The woman who paid for the groceries didn't judge. She helped a person in need. That is what we all should be doing. Looking for ways to help someone who needs it. Not judging or condemning their choices. It's not our place to judge others.
In a way, it kind of comes back to my original thoughts for this morning. Love and kindness go a lot further than hatred and condemnation. We set examples for the children we raise and they watch what we do. My hope is that my children continue in this world accepting those who are in need, different from themselves.
So in my quest to be a better person and a better example, I've decided to take a lesson from the woman who paid for the groceries. I will focus on paying it forward, helping strangers in need, not judging. I hope you'll join me...looking at individuals in a different light, helping those in need and not judging the choices people make. Paying it forward means much more than paying for groceries.
I could have used my space to jump on my soapbox about people who judge people. I have a father who judges everyone he meets...it would only make sense that I'd be somewhat like him. Fortunately, in my quest to be the exact opposite, I am very open-minded, embracing everyone's choice to live the way they want and love who they want.
The woman who paid for the groceries didn't judge. She helped a person in need. That is what we all should be doing. Looking for ways to help someone who needs it. Not judging or condemning their choices. It's not our place to judge others.
In a way, it kind of comes back to my original thoughts for this morning. Love and kindness go a lot further than hatred and condemnation. We set examples for the children we raise and they watch what we do. My hope is that my children continue in this world accepting those who are in need, different from themselves.
So in my quest to be a better person and a better example, I've decided to take a lesson from the woman who paid for the groceries. I will focus on paying it forward, helping strangers in need, not judging. I hope you'll join me...looking at individuals in a different light, helping those in need and not judging the choices people make. Paying it forward means much more than paying for groceries.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
traveling
Never go on trips with anyone you do not love.
Troy and I travel with our children. Often with one of them, sometimes with two of them and rarely with all of them. We enjoy getting to see them outside of their comfort zone. It's easy at home to get caught up in the stuff that makes the house/our lives function: i.e. computers, housework, work. When we travel and those distractions are removed, it lets us all relax and spend time together.
We travel with them for sports and for fun. The sport travel is a lot of time in the car...listening to their music, talking about their thoughts, dreams and fears. Then arriving at the destination to watch them interact with a different subset of friends. They don't go to school together and come from many different backgrounds. They work together as a team and then you see them pairing off (usually based on personalities). Team dinners, time in the hotel...it's all fun to watch and observe and be a part of.
Travel for fun is a different beast. We usually have a destination in mind: a favorite city, a college town, the beach. The drive isn't usually as open...we tend to take friends but it is often just as fun. Conversations flow and you gain insights into their day to day lives with friends. Once at the destination, we allow the kids to pick the activities. Museums, record stores, waterfalls, beach...it's all an adventure and a peek inside their world. I love to see what interests them and sometimes see their unexpected reaction to what they are experiencing. Watching them let loose in an environment away from school and day to day pressures. Finding food is another adventure for our entire family. We don't do chains. We try to seek out those mom and pop places or start up restaurants (total dives) to eat. Usually the best food and the best people. We enjoy seeing the reactions to various menu items and we like to share what we order.
We are fortunate and realize that. We appreciate the time we get with each of them, whether separate or together. I think it is good for them to see us outside of our regular environment and to have us focus on them, try new things with them, get lost with them.
Looking forward to our next traveling adventures...
Monday, March 31, 2014
Happy Birthday Grace!
We were lucky enough 15 years ago to celebrate the birth of our 3rd child. Almost 7 years younger than her sister and 4 years behind her brother...we weren't exactly prepared for having another baby (having gotten rid of pretty much everything except the crib!).
She entered the world via c-section on a date we chose. Everyone anxious to meet her...the siblings who weren't quite sure what changes this new baby would bring, the grandparents who would be welcoming their last grandchild and the parents who knew that this little bundle would turn their world upside down. We were officially outnumbered! No longer a parent for each child. They could overtake us now!
A calm and quiet baby progressed to a wild and adventurous toddler. Determined to keep up with her older siblings, she talked early, walked early, picked her own outfits. She had opinions from the start and wasn't afraid to share them. Always planting herself in the middle of whatever was going on.
These personality traits have only strengthened as she has gotten older. Other traits have come out as well. A champion of the underdog, she hates to see anyone left out. She's a fierce friend and if she doesn't like someone, it most likely has to do with their treatment of others. She's loving, honest (to a fault) and independent...not afraid to stand out and make her own way. She's sensitive, although many may not be aware of how easily she has her feelings hurt.
Even though she wouldn't admit or acknowledge it, she's artistic. Taking pictures all the time with her polaroid, she has an eye for artistic shots. She can sing (although you'll never hear her) and plays the guitar. She's wise beyond her years...the benefit of having 2 sibling a bit older than herself. We've never censored music or books and she has read/listened to things that many her age have not. This has led to many thinking she is wild (a point both her dad and I find funny). We appreciate her ability to have independent thoughts and feelings. We support her crazy obsessions...it makes life interesting and we know what an amazing young lady she is.
Fifteen years ago today we were lucky enough to celebrate the birth of Grace...the last piece of our family puzzle.
Fifteen years ago today we were lucky enough to celebrate the birth of Grace...the last piece of our family puzzle.
Happy Birthday Grace Isabella!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Follow your dreams
Troy and I had the pleasure of taking Grace and a couple of her friends to dinner and Franklin Park Conservatory last night. As we were eating delicious Plank's pizza, the girls were looking around at all the college banners on the walls and discussing their post-high school plans.
It was funny to listen to why they would or wouldn't attend a certain school (money certainly not being a point of contention) and what they would major in. They had previously been discussing the subjects they dislike in their freshman year of high school.
They all have big plans (most of which involves making lots of money) and big dreams. I enjoyed listening to their thoughts about where they think their lives will go. I loved the fact that they were talking about careers that would involve taking some of the very classes they currently dislike!
My oldest two are embarking on this journey in real time. Emma following her dreams of getting her phD in French and starting a program that teaches young children to speak a foreign language at an earlier age than is offered in public schools. She seems to have a gift for this language and quickly decided on the double major when she was a freshman.
Brennan is wrapping up his freshman year of college. No major yet declared. It has been interesting to talk to him as various professors have tried to sway him to major in their subject of choice. I am glad he's taking his time to choose...he has varied interests and like Emma, we want him to follow his dreams. We want them to be self-supporting but also to do something they love.
I remember being that freshman in college. Trying to decided what I'd do for the rest of my life. It's a daunting process and one that went through a few changes. I started as a biology major with thoughts of going to medical school. My sophomore year, I decided instead to be a nurse. I love taking care of people helping them with their needs and seeing them improve. I have held the hand of many family members who have had to say goodbye to their loved ones. And I hope I have helped many to meet death with dignity.
But I have a creative side that nursing doesn't really allow much room for. I like to write (hence, this blog) and I like to make things. With the encouragement of my husband and family, I am about to embark on another journey and follow my dreams as well!
It was funny to listen to why they would or wouldn't attend a certain school (money certainly not being a point of contention) and what they would major in. They had previously been discussing the subjects they dislike in their freshman year of high school.
They all have big plans (most of which involves making lots of money) and big dreams. I enjoyed listening to their thoughts about where they think their lives will go. I loved the fact that they were talking about careers that would involve taking some of the very classes they currently dislike!
My oldest two are embarking on this journey in real time. Emma following her dreams of getting her phD in French and starting a program that teaches young children to speak a foreign language at an earlier age than is offered in public schools. She seems to have a gift for this language and quickly decided on the double major when she was a freshman.
Brennan is wrapping up his freshman year of college. No major yet declared. It has been interesting to talk to him as various professors have tried to sway him to major in their subject of choice. I am glad he's taking his time to choose...he has varied interests and like Emma, we want him to follow his dreams. We want them to be self-supporting but also to do something they love.
I remember being that freshman in college. Trying to decided what I'd do for the rest of my life. It's a daunting process and one that went through a few changes. I started as a biology major with thoughts of going to medical school. My sophomore year, I decided instead to be a nurse. I love taking care of people helping them with their needs and seeing them improve. I have held the hand of many family members who have had to say goodbye to their loved ones. And I hope I have helped many to meet death with dignity.
But I have a creative side that nursing doesn't really allow much room for. I like to write (hence, this blog) and I like to make things. With the encouragement of my husband and family, I am about to embark on another journey and follow my dreams as well!
Monday, March 24, 2014
It's okay to be different
“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square
holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Steve Jobs
I love this quote! It speaks to me and reminds me that we don't all have to be the same. It seems in this day and age, we shoot for sameness. Just go to the high school at the end of the day...every girl, every boy striving to be just like everyone else. All looking and thinking alike. It's easier to blend in. Not to draw unwanted attention to yourself.
Teenagers have a lot of pressure these days. Dress in the right clothes, look the right way, belong to the right groups, earn the right grades. There isn't a lot of room for diversity without being judged by their peers.
And what happens when they choose to go their own way? Form their own look or believe different thoughts? Their peers and even adults tend to judge what kind of person they are based upon appearances.
My middle and youngest child tend to be different. They questions things...religion, politics, policies. They do their own thing in regards to fashion/appearance. My son grew out his hair, my daughter will go to school without brushing hers. He never wears jeans. She gravitates towards dark colors, at times a punkish look. He's an atheist, she questions religious process. He's a vegan, she's decided to be a vegetarian.
It is hard to be that person in this town. We like our round pegs in their round holes. I readily admit that I wanted my children to blend in, be like everyone else. Mainly because that's how I went through high school and mostly through life. YOU have to fit in...but you don't.
Be that round peg in the square hole. Be the one who can see that differences are a good thing. Be disagreeable. Question everything. Form your own opinions...don't just emulate mine. Be kind. And don't judge a book by it's cover. Get to know someone before you form opinions on what kind of person they are. Everyone is just trying to find their way...
holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Steve JobsI love this quote! It speaks to me and reminds me that we don't all have to be the same. It seems in this day and age, we shoot for sameness. Just go to the high school at the end of the day...every girl, every boy striving to be just like everyone else. All looking and thinking alike. It's easier to blend in. Not to draw unwanted attention to yourself.
Teenagers have a lot of pressure these days. Dress in the right clothes, look the right way, belong to the right groups, earn the right grades. There isn't a lot of room for diversity without being judged by their peers.
And what happens when they choose to go their own way? Form their own look or believe different thoughts? Their peers and even adults tend to judge what kind of person they are based upon appearances.
My middle and youngest child tend to be different. They questions things...religion, politics, policies. They do their own thing in regards to fashion/appearance. My son grew out his hair, my daughter will go to school without brushing hers. He never wears jeans. She gravitates towards dark colors, at times a punkish look. He's an atheist, she questions religious process. He's a vegan, she's decided to be a vegetarian.
It is hard to be that person in this town. We like our round pegs in their round holes. I readily admit that I wanted my children to blend in, be like everyone else. Mainly because that's how I went through high school and mostly through life. YOU have to fit in...but you don't.
Be that round peg in the square hole. Be the one who can see that differences are a good thing. Be disagreeable. Question everything. Form your own opinions...don't just emulate mine. Be kind. And don't judge a book by it's cover. Get to know someone before you form opinions on what kind of person they are. Everyone is just trying to find their way...
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Separation
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe this to be true as we near the end of my son's first year away from home. Last year, right around this time, we did a quick visit to a college that had offered him a great financial package (if you have a child in college or preparing, you know how awesome those offers are!). The fact that it was over 2,000 miles away didn't really weigh on my mind much.
Fast forward to August and suddenly he's getting on a plane and going AWAY. Not just a car trip to see him away, but a full day of flying/layovers AWAY. Nothing really prepared me for that.
Many parents send their children off to college, few really send them this far from home. It takes courage...courage on the part of the parents to trust in how they raised these young people and courage for a student to go and leave everything and everyone behind.
I went out that first week...we shopped for needed dorm room accessories and supplies. Got him settled in. Did all the parent orientation things. Watched his awkward attempts to get used to his new surroundings.
Then came the day that it was now all up to him. Time to say good-bye. Millions of thoughts racing through my head. Would he be able to do his laundry? Would he like his classes? Would he and his roommate get along? What would he do when he was sick?
Too quickly came the day when I realized that the little boy I loved and raised was suddenly a young adult. In charge of himself very, very far away from me. I said a silent prayer that his dad and I had done everything right and left him there and got on a plane back to Ohio.
Fast-forward 7 months later, the young man I talk to on the phone is finding his way. He loves his classes, he's tried new things and he's slowly making new friends. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him...don't think that's changed. But, I am proud of the fact that he made this choice. Love that he went to a school that is as invested in him as he is in it. He is growing not only as a student but as a person. Realizing that the world is not all black and white but has some areas of gray.
And the best part? In exactly, 44 days, I'll be in Oregon. Packing him up for the school year and bringing him home for the summer. But who's counting?
Fast forward to August and suddenly he's getting on a plane and going AWAY. Not just a car trip to see him away, but a full day of flying/layovers AWAY. Nothing really prepared me for that.
Many parents send their children off to college, few really send them this far from home. It takes courage...courage on the part of the parents to trust in how they raised these young people and courage for a student to go and leave everything and everyone behind.
I went out that first week...we shopped for needed dorm room accessories and supplies. Got him settled in. Did all the parent orientation things. Watched his awkward attempts to get used to his new surroundings.
Then came the day that it was now all up to him. Time to say good-bye. Millions of thoughts racing through my head. Would he be able to do his laundry? Would he like his classes? Would he and his roommate get along? What would he do when he was sick?
Too quickly came the day when I realized that the little boy I loved and raised was suddenly a young adult. In charge of himself very, very far away from me. I said a silent prayer that his dad and I had done everything right and left him there and got on a plane back to Ohio.
Fast-forward 7 months later, the young man I talk to on the phone is finding his way. He loves his classes, he's tried new things and he's slowly making new friends. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him...don't think that's changed. But, I am proud of the fact that he made this choice. Love that he went to a school that is as invested in him as he is in it. He is growing not only as a student but as a person. Realizing that the world is not all black and white but has some areas of gray.
And the best part? In exactly, 44 days, I'll be in Oregon. Packing him up for the school year and bringing him home for the summer. But who's counting?
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Pinterest!
Pinterest...that wonderful website where I waste so much time! Looking and pinning and then looking and pinning some more!
I pin a LOT of craft ideas...I wish I could spend the countless hours it would take to complete the things I pin:) Fortunately, I know a group of women who, like me, by themselves may not finish those pinterest pins but together? We can get some of them done!
We try to meet monthly. Honestly, it doesn't always work. Illness, schedules, weather get in the way. Friday night we were lucky to meet and even more so for me, I got to be the hostess. Yes, I had to clean my house and get things ready but I also got to choose the project!
Trying to choose a project that will appeal to everyone within a large group is a bit daunting. While also being something everyone will want to make/complete, there is a bit of a time limit (has to be mostly completed that evening) and not be horribly expensive.
I will admit that it took me awhile this time. I know Easter's coming but honestly, the cutesy crafts associated with the holiday weren't really that appealing to me. I wanted to do something that we could use year-round. Finally, I found a craft that I thought we'd all like!
I sent it to the group and general consensus had us all agreeing this was to be our next project. I set about making the list of needed materials followed by a trip to Michaels (who were nice enough to give me the teacher's discount of 15% to help us all save a little money!). Of course, me being me, I realized that I'd forgotten a pretty important component of the project...thankful for a friend who was able to stop and get those last needed pieces!
Friday had me cleaning the house...putting all those piles away for the first time this winter. Nothing motivates me like a group of people coming over. This pinterest night had 2 new friends joining in the fun. The first car pulled in promptly at 7:00 p.m. followed by the others. We chit-chatted as we each picked our background paper and began the process. This whole evening is as much about the socialization as it is the crafting so I really have no idea how long it actually takes to finish this project. We wrapped everything up at 10:00!
I pin a LOT of craft ideas...I wish I could spend the countless hours it would take to complete the things I pin:) Fortunately, I know a group of women who, like me, by themselves may not finish those pinterest pins but together? We can get some of them done!
We try to meet monthly. Honestly, it doesn't always work. Illness, schedules, weather get in the way. Friday night we were lucky to meet and even more so for me, I got to be the hostess. Yes, I had to clean my house and get things ready but I also got to choose the project!
Trying to choose a project that will appeal to everyone within a large group is a bit daunting. While also being something everyone will want to make/complete, there is a bit of a time limit (has to be mostly completed that evening) and not be horribly expensive.
I will admit that it took me awhile this time. I know Easter's coming but honestly, the cutesy crafts associated with the holiday weren't really that appealing to me. I wanted to do something that we could use year-round. Finally, I found a craft that I thought we'd all like!
I sent it to the group and general consensus had us all agreeing this was to be our next project. I set about making the list of needed materials followed by a trip to Michaels (who were nice enough to give me the teacher's discount of 15% to help us all save a little money!). Of course, me being me, I realized that I'd forgotten a pretty important component of the project...thankful for a friend who was able to stop and get those last needed pieces!
Friday had me cleaning the house...putting all those piles away for the first time this winter. Nothing motivates me like a group of people coming over. This pinterest night had 2 new friends joining in the fun. The first car pulled in promptly at 7:00 p.m. followed by the others. We chit-chatted as we each picked our background paper and began the process. This whole evening is as much about the socialization as it is the crafting so I really have no idea how long it actually takes to finish this project. We wrapped everything up at 10:00!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Preconceived notions...
There are a lot of people who think they are beyond a situation that will require them to seek out help with either their housing or their medical care. What I've noticed is that we are ALL just one catastrophe away from disaster.
I left bedside nursing almost 4 years ago to take a job running the local free clinic. No benefits, low pay, countless rewards. I had many preconceived notions coming into this job. I assumed that the clients I'd be seeing didn't work, were homeless, under-educated...my list goes on and on. What I rapidly received was a wake-up call that was a powerful as a slap in the face. I was completely, totally WRONG!
My patients are amazing...they are hard workers, they try to pay their way, they try to educated themselves, they have families they love, jobs they tolerate and joys and sorrows. They are very much like me. In most cases, they are going through tough times...they had to quit school to get a job to help support their family after a parent died, they take in their grandchildren when their children cannot care for them. They offer to share their home with another family who lost theirs. Their ability to give and be compassionate has made me a better person.
Sure, we see a few trying to scam the system. We have hard and fast rules and they don't get very far with us. They typically come around a few times and then do not return. But for those who truly need our services, we are much like an extended branch of their family. I share in the joy of the homeless patient who gets a permanent place to live, the one who finally gets a job after searching well over a year. I applaud those who are going back to school to further their education and help cheer them on. And I admire those who care for children who aren't blood relations but do so because they can provide a stable environment. They, too, share in my joys and sorrows. I share my life with them as well. I love when they ask about my children, my hobbies, what's new with the clinic.
I guess what I am trying to say is...what are your preconceived notions? Do you automatically assume everyone on medicaid doesn't work? Do you have thoughts on those who are working menial jobs? Do you think your above ever having to seek out the services of the free clinic or helping with housing/bills?
I know some of you have these very thoughts (you can thank facebook for that little sidebar that shows me and all of your friends when you like an article/meme making fun of or discussing these very things). I am asking that you be more open-minded. In a perfect world, we'd all be working at jobs where benefits were available, the pay was excellent and able to pay our own way in this crazy world. I am asking that you consider that these individuals that you sometimes judge are those very kind of people and maybe, just maybe, they aren't that different from you and I.
I left bedside nursing almost 4 years ago to take a job running the local free clinic. No benefits, low pay, countless rewards. I had many preconceived notions coming into this job. I assumed that the clients I'd be seeing didn't work, were homeless, under-educated...my list goes on and on. What I rapidly received was a wake-up call that was a powerful as a slap in the face. I was completely, totally WRONG!
My patients are amazing...they are hard workers, they try to pay their way, they try to educated themselves, they have families they love, jobs they tolerate and joys and sorrows. They are very much like me. In most cases, they are going through tough times...they had to quit school to get a job to help support their family after a parent died, they take in their grandchildren when their children cannot care for them. They offer to share their home with another family who lost theirs. Their ability to give and be compassionate has made me a better person.
Sure, we see a few trying to scam the system. We have hard and fast rules and they don't get very far with us. They typically come around a few times and then do not return. But for those who truly need our services, we are much like an extended branch of their family. I share in the joy of the homeless patient who gets a permanent place to live, the one who finally gets a job after searching well over a year. I applaud those who are going back to school to further their education and help cheer them on. And I admire those who care for children who aren't blood relations but do so because they can provide a stable environment. They, too, share in my joys and sorrows. I share my life with them as well. I love when they ask about my children, my hobbies, what's new with the clinic.
I guess what I am trying to say is...what are your preconceived notions? Do you automatically assume everyone on medicaid doesn't work? Do you have thoughts on those who are working menial jobs? Do you think your above ever having to seek out the services of the free clinic or helping with housing/bills?
I know some of you have these very thoughts (you can thank facebook for that little sidebar that shows me and all of your friends when you like an article/meme making fun of or discussing these very things). I am asking that you be more open-minded. In a perfect world, we'd all be working at jobs where benefits were available, the pay was excellent and able to pay our own way in this crazy world. I am asking that you consider that these individuals that you sometimes judge are those very kind of people and maybe, just maybe, they aren't that different from you and I.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Death and dying...
As many of you know, 2014 has been a year of death for my family and for many of our friends. I cannot remember ever attending so many funerals in such a short time.
I lost my sweet mama in January after a 6 week illness. The shock of someone being gone that you are so used to communicating with daily is just so painful to deal with. We had lunch each week (usually followed by a trip to Real Deals, a local store). I spoke to her daily. My three children were lucky to have her as their Mimi...she took the role very seriously. No matter what they did, she cheered them on and thought they were wonderful. Every child should be so lucky to have a Mimi like that. My heart aches not only for myself, but especially for my children. The absence of that person in your life who thought you could do no wrong...I am so sad for them.
Emma was the first grandchild. When she came along, my mom decided to quit smoking. She enjoyed spoiling and loving her. Brennan came along 2 1/2 years later and was colicky. Sensing that he needed a different child care environment, my mom quit her job and became our full-time sitter. This only strengthened the bond that she had with these 2.
My mom never went to college...her pride at both Emma's and Brennan's academic accomplishments in that area made her glow! She loved learning new things through them. A religious woman, she never once questioned when B decided he was an atheist. I know that this had to be hard on her...but she supported him and spoke to him about it. And we can't even begin to imagine her joy as E was accepted into OSU's French PhD program...
Grace came along shortly before my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. The first few years of her life, my mom was extremely ill. We didn't know many times if she'd survive. So odd was her reaction every time Grace was near...she was calmer and more content. I often think that Grace was born to help my mom through that extremely difficult time. We were blessed to spend another 14 years with my mom that no one expected.
French fries, noodles, pies...she loved to cook and share her creations. We were lucky in that she taught us how to make so many of the delicious things she produced in her kitchen. I am so happy to have a cookbook written in her own hand...a treasure!
Even though they no longer have their Mimi on this earth, nor I my mom, I am happy to see her parts of her in them each day. May all of those close to us who have lost someone this year be able to see that person live on in their loved ones as well.
I lost my sweet mama in January after a 6 week illness. The shock of someone being gone that you are so used to communicating with daily is just so painful to deal with. We had lunch each week (usually followed by a trip to Real Deals, a local store). I spoke to her daily. My three children were lucky to have her as their Mimi...she took the role very seriously. No matter what they did, she cheered them on and thought they were wonderful. Every child should be so lucky to have a Mimi like that. My heart aches not only for myself, but especially for my children. The absence of that person in your life who thought you could do no wrong...I am so sad for them.
Emma was the first grandchild. When she came along, my mom decided to quit smoking. She enjoyed spoiling and loving her. Brennan came along 2 1/2 years later and was colicky. Sensing that he needed a different child care environment, my mom quit her job and became our full-time sitter. This only strengthened the bond that she had with these 2.
My mom never went to college...her pride at both Emma's and Brennan's academic accomplishments in that area made her glow! She loved learning new things through them. A religious woman, she never once questioned when B decided he was an atheist. I know that this had to be hard on her...but she supported him and spoke to him about it. And we can't even begin to imagine her joy as E was accepted into OSU's French PhD program...
Grace came along shortly before my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. The first few years of her life, my mom was extremely ill. We didn't know many times if she'd survive. So odd was her reaction every time Grace was near...she was calmer and more content. I often think that Grace was born to help my mom through that extremely difficult time. We were blessed to spend another 14 years with my mom that no one expected.
French fries, noodles, pies...she loved to cook and share her creations. We were lucky in that she taught us how to make so many of the delicious things she produced in her kitchen. I am so happy to have a cookbook written in her own hand...a treasure!
Even though they no longer have their Mimi on this earth, nor I my mom, I am happy to see her parts of her in them each day. May all of those close to us who have lost someone this year be able to see that person live on in their loved ones as well.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Friends after 40
I'll be the first to admit, I have very few friends. I have acquaintances...people I know because of shared activities with our children or through an activity that I participate in. However, there aren't many that I can share my deepest thoughts with that I am not feeling judged.
Women are typically a snarky group. They size you up when you walk into a room and determine (without knowing you) what kind of person you are. It starts in grade school and continues throughout life. We can all say it doesn't occur, but we know that it does. We judge each others lifestyle choices, parenting, jobs, appearance, etc. This in turn, makes it hard to share our emotions and pain with our "friends."
The youngest brought this to my attention last night...afraid she's making JV and what her "friends" are going to say "because she plays club ball and should be one of the best." My feeble attempts to comfort her were pretty much waved away by her hand. The idea that her dad and I are proud no matter what doesn't really hold it's weight in the face of her friends. I often try to remind her that many after a significant injury would pursue other interest outside of sports...she keeps plugging away and trying her best...she's a fighter and a warrior.
She is fortunate to have one great friend. Someone who stands by her side and supports her. Doesn't judge her, tell her she's annoying or put her down. I can see these two being friends well into their lives and it makes me happy. It's taken awhile for her to get a relationship like this and as a parent, it's exactly the kind of friendship you want for your child and yourself.
I find that in our 40's we are all so busy with our lives, that at a time when we should be supporting and helping each other, we just take the time. I also feel that it seems like we pit our child against the next...competing in the classroom, on the field, with the number of sleepovers, etc. As I've been down this road twice before, I realize how petty most of this is. You cannot share that knowledge with those who are experiencing it for the first time. Sometimes as a group, we are snarky about another's child and/or life. I am ashamed to admit it but we all know it's true. Life has become a competition and like I said in my first post, we all want to be the best. As we discuss others trials and tribulations in front of our children, what do they take away from that? What example have we been setting?!
I've recently had a couple of friends go through some significant experiences with their children. I feel for the most part, they've had to do this privately to spare themselves ridicule and pain. I believe that this is why I've been on a quest to change. I want the few friends I have to be able to talk to me without feeling judged. I want to be supportive when they need it and make sure they aren't afraid to ask for that support.
We all have friends who bring out the worst in us. I've been evaluating that this week as well. If I want to change, can I continue along the course with them? When you don't have a lot of friends, it's a hard decision to make, even if you want to be a better person. While I am a loner, I am able to realize that I need a few others outside of my family. This will be the hardest part of my process, without a doubt.
And how, in your mid-forties, do you make new friends? We will be done with the school experience in 3 years. As the older two have graduated and moved on to their college lives, friendships formed during those years have moved on as well. Having children in the same grade, sport, etc. isn't enough to form a sustainable friendship. I've decided to pursue a couple new hobbies and hope that as a result, it'll introduce me to women outside of the school and maybe our little village. I hope you have that one great friend and I am hoping I can find one for myself!
Women are typically a snarky group. They size you up when you walk into a room and determine (without knowing you) what kind of person you are. It starts in grade school and continues throughout life. We can all say it doesn't occur, but we know that it does. We judge each others lifestyle choices, parenting, jobs, appearance, etc. This in turn, makes it hard to share our emotions and pain with our "friends."
The youngest brought this to my attention last night...afraid she's making JV and what her "friends" are going to say "because she plays club ball and should be one of the best." My feeble attempts to comfort her were pretty much waved away by her hand. The idea that her dad and I are proud no matter what doesn't really hold it's weight in the face of her friends. I often try to remind her that many after a significant injury would pursue other interest outside of sports...she keeps plugging away and trying her best...she's a fighter and a warrior.
She is fortunate to have one great friend. Someone who stands by her side and supports her. Doesn't judge her, tell her she's annoying or put her down. I can see these two being friends well into their lives and it makes me happy. It's taken awhile for her to get a relationship like this and as a parent, it's exactly the kind of friendship you want for your child and yourself.
I find that in our 40's we are all so busy with our lives, that at a time when we should be supporting and helping each other, we just take the time. I also feel that it seems like we pit our child against the next...competing in the classroom, on the field, with the number of sleepovers, etc. As I've been down this road twice before, I realize how petty most of this is. You cannot share that knowledge with those who are experiencing it for the first time. Sometimes as a group, we are snarky about another's child and/or life. I am ashamed to admit it but we all know it's true. Life has become a competition and like I said in my first post, we all want to be the best. As we discuss others trials and tribulations in front of our children, what do they take away from that? What example have we been setting?!
I've recently had a couple of friends go through some significant experiences with their children. I feel for the most part, they've had to do this privately to spare themselves ridicule and pain. I believe that this is why I've been on a quest to change. I want the few friends I have to be able to talk to me without feeling judged. I want to be supportive when they need it and make sure they aren't afraid to ask for that support.
We all have friends who bring out the worst in us. I've been evaluating that this week as well. If I want to change, can I continue along the course with them? When you don't have a lot of friends, it's a hard decision to make, even if you want to be a better person. While I am a loner, I am able to realize that I need a few others outside of my family. This will be the hardest part of my process, without a doubt.
And how, in your mid-forties, do you make new friends? We will be done with the school experience in 3 years. As the older two have graduated and moved on to their college lives, friendships formed during those years have moved on as well. Having children in the same grade, sport, etc. isn't enough to form a sustainable friendship. I've decided to pursue a couple new hobbies and hope that as a result, it'll introduce me to women outside of the school and maybe our little village. I hope you have that one great friend and I am hoping I can find one for myself!
Friday, March 7, 2014
Obsessions
Do you have things you obsess about? I have some fun obsessions (Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch, The Walking Dead and any dress from 1950!) and I have some normal obsessions (clean house, organization,).
The need for a clean house and to be organized go right out the door in the spring. I manage and help coach a MS girls lacrosse team. Dust bunnies reign and dinner is on the go more than I'd like to admit. In addition to the 3 humans who live here, we have 3 cats, 1 dog and moved in the rabbit over the winter. They combine to provide a seemingly endless supply of dirt, litter and hair throughout the house (we will not discuss the odors!).
So a short entry today but curious as to how you all do it? Please feel free to share any tips you have. I used to do the Fly Lady thing...parts of it are still helpful but honestly, who has time to "shine their sink" every night?! I am happy when the dishes get done and aren't facing me in the morning. Likewise, the endless paper supply. Stuff I think I need to keep for whatever reason (most of which can be found on-line). I do go through it every so often and recycle the majority.
Seriously...looking at pics of Johnny Depp and Benedict Cumberbatch are much more fun!
The need for a clean house and to be organized go right out the door in the spring. I manage and help coach a MS girls lacrosse team. Dust bunnies reign and dinner is on the go more than I'd like to admit. In addition to the 3 humans who live here, we have 3 cats, 1 dog and moved in the rabbit over the winter. They combine to provide a seemingly endless supply of dirt, litter and hair throughout the house (we will not discuss the odors!).
So a short entry today but curious as to how you all do it? Please feel free to share any tips you have. I used to do the Fly Lady thing...parts of it are still helpful but honestly, who has time to "shine their sink" every night?! I am happy when the dishes get done and aren't facing me in the morning. Likewise, the endless paper supply. Stuff I think I need to keep for whatever reason (most of which can be found on-line). I do go through it every so often and recycle the majority.
Seriously...looking at pics of Johnny Depp and Benedict Cumberbatch are much more fun!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Mistakes
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
I'm a huge fan of quotes AND Albert Einstein. This quote I love! We all make mistakes...some are simple, some not so much. The ability to take them and embrace and learn from them is what makes them worthwhile!
In parenting, the biggest mistake I've ever made was trying to push my children into things. Athletics, student government, honor society, friends, etc. As they got older (and so did I), I finally realized that they needed to make their own choices and make mistakes. Protecting them from mistakes wasn't going to benefit them, me or the society I want to have them be a part of.
Not always an easy thing to watch your child pursue a path that you know isn't going to end well. Sometimes it's an activity, sometimes it's a relationship. As adults, we have the wisdom to look back at our own choices and know where we could have done things better. I believe that part of being a parent is wanting to shield our child from making the same unwise choices that we did.
I made many mistakes getting to this point in my life. I really can't say that I'd go back and undo too many of them as they helped me to develop into the person that I am today. Character building, I believe it is called :)
We give our children character bricks. When they are small, we help them make good choices and hopefully, show them good choices in our everyday lives. If all goes well, we have laid a solid foundation on which they build. Part of being a parent is knowing that yes, those bricks are going to crack and at times fall apart. We have to help them pick up those pieces and rebuild, all the while assuring them of our support and unconditional love. We want them to move forward and continue to try new things and yes, make mistakes...
Sunday, March 2, 2014
I live in a competitive town. People like to have their child be the best. Best at sports, best in academics, best in music, best, best, best. I no longer care. That sounds harsh but let me explain. I no longer care what anyone else's child does or my friends do. I realize that where my child is academically, on the field, on the team...it's not a reflection of me or her. This is a HUGE step and process for me. I am competitive. I like to win. I like to see my child do well. I partake in gossip. And, I decided today, that this makes me a poor role model for my 14 year old.
Why change at 45? I've been this way for quite awhile. Could easily continue on in the same mode. However, as I ponder the Lenten season and what to give up and how to make myself a better person, I realized that this thought keeps coming back and yet, I fail. Fail miserably, year after year, to maintain this idea of making myself better. So a blog is started...I don't know if anyone will even read it. However, it's my accountability tracker.
This process goes beyond me. I shared my thoughts with the youngest child. I let her know that mainly, I am happy if SHE is happy. After 2 significant ankle injuries, it really is enough to just see her on the field! I get a quiet thrill watching her excel in a class she thinks is difficult. I just enjoy being her mom. I feel bad that this change of attitude comes so late. I certainly couldn't take this approach with the older 2 although I am so proud of the young people they are turning out to be, in spite of my short-comings. They are, quite honestly, AMAZING!
So I will share this new attitude/approach with them. I will share with my friends. I've shared it with my husband. Everyone needs to help me be a better person. This is for me (my personal happiness and attitude), for my children and for my marriage. Negativity no longer can reside inside my head or come out of my mouth.
So, welcome! I hope you enjoy following my quest to be a better person. It's never too late!
So I will share this new attitude/approach with them. I will share with my friends. I've shared it with my husband. Everyone needs to help me be a better person. This is for me (my personal happiness and attitude), for my children and for my marriage. Negativity no longer can reside inside my head or come out of my mouth.
So, welcome! I hope you enjoy following my quest to be a better person. It's never too late!
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