Part of this whole depression thing and the loss of my mom has revealed (as I've touched on in earlier posts) my complete lack of a good girlfriend. My mom was my com-padre. We went to lunch each week, talked each day. She was my sounding board, my confident and my lifeline. Husbands fill that void to some extent but I think we each need someone to talk with who we aren't married to.
That all being said, I am lonely. I have friends but we are all busy. We hang out at games and an occassional lunch. I am thankful when they check in and appreciate the time they are able to give me. But, they all seem to have that really good friend and I can't seem to connect with anyone who calls for regular lunch/shopping dates, wants to take a class here and there or who wants to talk about what's going on in my/their world. I love those friends I do have but I really long for someone who wants to hang a bit more.
I read FB posts (I know, everyone's life is perfect on FB!) and see that people are doing things, getting out with friends, having fun. I really want to do those things too. Part of me is embarrassed to post this and part of me feels like a 3rd grade girl wishing that someone would ask me to play on the playground.
I know that age complicates matters...it is harder to make friends it seems. My friends of my youth have all scattered to the wind and in some cases, we don't seem to have much in common anymore. My goal is to take a few classes and hopefully, meet some women who like to do similar things. I've also vowed to take more interest in those precious friends I currently have. Make more of an effort because I know I've been lacking in my efforts as well.
Hoping to climb out of the shelter I've backed myself into and put myself out there...
I am thinking of you lots, Stace. I can relate a bit too much to your last two posts, unfortunately. Not about having my Mom, but a good girlfriend compadre moved away several years ago, and I have never yet found another that is my friend that deeply and also lives close.. . which does make some difference, for sure. I know it'll all come around. Grief is a long road, and complicated, perplexing, mysterious. Through all the hard times, I found grief to bring many blessings, too. I hope that for you. Take time to be, even with the darkness of loneliness and sorrow...and all the other feelings like gratitude and wonder. And I am confident you will find that some good takes root and grows in your life.
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